What holds me back?

What holds me back?

You want to feel safe. Your inner child wants to feel safe. You keep yourself in familiar but toxic situations, places and mental states because that is what you view as safe. Anything new or unknown is not safe in a way that you have come to understand safety. Suffering was safe because you knew what to expect. Keeping yourself in the same cycle is safe because you know what to expect, there is nothing new to predict and no new “hurts” to try and overcome. You  know how to hurt, and can hurt in the way that feels safe and familiar. Because of this you cannot even view yourself as someone who is safe because you have actively allowed yourself to stay in unsafe situations because you were afraid. 

What is something from my past holding me back?

You wanted to be seen, heard and noticed. You wanted someone to genuinely pay attention to you. You wanted to be free to express myself and live authentically. You wanted to sing, dance, and play without judgment and have people who cared about you by your side, but in the end you always ended up alone. You didn’t want to be told how to live, you wanted to figure it out for yourself and try new things. But instead, you were shoved in a box. Now that box is a prison rebranded as safety. Eventually other people stopped putting you in a box because you ended up doing it for them.