If I am ready to move forward, what does that actually mean for me? What does it mean for me to let go and allow myself to heal?
It is time to end the traumas from your childhood. You relive those cycles by never allowing yourself to process the emotions from the past. Without healing the triggers you are in a constant state of living in the past. Each trigger throws you backwards and this is why you never feel as if you can move forward. Of course it feels like your life cannot move on, because you don’t allow yourself to move on. If you want your life to move, you need to move with it. Those experiences will never go away but how you deal with them needs to change. You are capable of so much more and are wasting your potential by being trapped in the past. You convince yourself you have moved on because you no longer feel the emotion tied to the situation. That is not moving forward, that is deflection. It is not weakness to feel an emotion, it is weakness to hide from them. If you want to get better, then you need to stop hiding.WHo or what are you hiding from? It is not your parents, school yard bullies or friends who left you. It is yourself. You are so scared of yourself, because of the pain you have caused yourself by allowing your own suffering to continue and by picking up where others left off.
You have everything you need already inside you to accomplish and manifest your desires and the life you want. However, you don’t even know yourself. You have intellectualized and compartmentalized yourself so damn much there is nothing left. Why do you think shattering yourself into tiny pieces gives you an opportunity to truly know who you are? Will you pick up each piece and ask it, “how are you, what’s your name, where did you come from?” If each piece could talk, they would all tell you the same thing. Stitch yourself back together and love the image they create. Bob Ross would be proud of the happy accidents that make up who you are.
Don’t be defensive with your emotions and allow yourself to lean into them. Feel them, practice them and allow yourself to just simply go. Your strength does not live in your ability to suppress and ignore your emotions but in the ability to utilize them with good intention towards yourself and others. Crying does not make you weak, it makes you vulnerable. Vulnerability is not weakness, it’s human. You are so guarded over your own heart that nothing can get in or out, including your own love for yourself. Pick up your pieces and stitch them back together. You are the one who decides you are ready to move forward, no one else will move that mountain for you. Go on an adventure and just see where it takes you. Your own life is waiting for you.